Back in August, I wrote a post on kink and healing trauma. In this post, I asked people to share their stories. Anyway, this past week, I received a comment from that feedback by Angger Schweinsteiger. It looks like Annger posted both a comment and a reply from a different post. Negative comments were referenced, and no one made negative comments on my original post.
The feedback box just gave me a block of text, so it was initially difficult to tease out where one comment started and the other ended. Annger, if you are reading this, and I broke down this comment incorrectly, please let me know. Also, if you could send a link to the original blog post, that would also be helpful.
While this comment duo, for lack of a better term, does not directly address my initial questions, it brings up a phenomenon worth discussing: topping from the bottom. Topping from the bottom is the BDSM equivalent to backseat driving or backleading (for you partner dancers out there). Topping from the bottom is generally frowned upon in kink contexts, as it is seen as inverting or undermining the established power dynamic in play.
Here is the conversation snippet that Annger shared:
I was guilty of topping from bottom a few weeks ago. I wrote about it on my blog, Luna .anyway, I ended up forcing my Master’s hand to take care of something that was bothering me which I couldn’t handle. A good dominant knows how to take care of his slave. And a good slave knows how to trust her dominant to do so. If the relationship is solid and on a good foundation of trust, there will be set rules in place to take care of issues such as health or likes and dislikes. However, keep in mind, that while your health issues come first, your likes/dislikes do not. You may like something, but you may not always get it. Demanding something you like from the bottom is actually topping your dominant to do what you want, not what he wants.
Thank you for posting this article, Luna. A few other ways to top from bottom: 1. harp on something until your dominant’s hand is forced to take care of it. 2. ignore his or her wishes and orders. 3. tattle on other slaves and create a whole new realm of drama that could better be taken care of by say, Master, how do I deal with this, etc… 4. Not trusting your dominant to take care of you. I could probably go on ~L
Reading this exchange keys more closely to one of my very early posts on how abuse can flow from the bottom up. While topping from the bottom is not necessarily abusive, just as backseat driving is not necessarily dangerous (sometimes just mildly annoying), it can cause ruptures in trust and connection.