Anna Deavere Smith once said that people talk in “organic poems.” And she could not be more right. One of my primary sources for self care is partner dance, and as of late, Argentine tango has been my dance du jour. Incidentally, educator and presenter Lord Ramirez teaches a class on the D/s of Argentine tango. The inherent power exchange of social dance keys very closely to that of kink.

Not long ago, I was at a practica, an informal dance where dancers are encouraged to give and solicit feedback. At this practica, one of the leads I danced with gave me some words of wisdom, which reminded me just how close the worlds of social dance and kink really are. And so, I am sharing his words with you today:

Tango is passion and sensuality. It came out of the brothels. There is an intensity there. It’s like… I’m in charge. I’m going to tell you where to go, but I’m going to take care of you and you are going to surrender to me. Well we surrender to each other. For four minutes we are two people moving as one. But that doesn’t mean that you just sit back and let me do whatever. We are having a kind of conversation. And I want to to be with me. I will take care of you and you go with my lead. But I still give you space to express yourself. And I’m listening to the music and listening to your breathing and your body language. And it’s a constant give and take. And once you can let go and let muscle memory take over, if only for one song… Well the feeling just transcends words. For those four minutes, no matter what else is going on around me, my energy is totally focused on my partner. And until the dance is over, she is the only woman in the room. That it what I strive for when I dance. And you can tell. Look at the women’s faces when they’re dancing. They are… Just on cloud nine.

No I won’t repeat it. You need to get out of your head and internalize this.

Oh, you’re a sex therapist? Well, shit. I guess I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth then, huh?

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