Polyamory’s #MeToo Moment
On the recent disclosures of abuse in the community and the transformative justice process that I am a part of.
read moreWe Need to Talk About R Kelly
The details of R Kelly’s alleged “sex cult” bears certain external similarities to the trappings of a consensual D/s relationship. However, strict protocols do not a D/s relationship make. Even if, for the sake of argument, R Kelly’s actions did fall under the rubric of kinky play, his actions would still be problematic and abusive
read moreFictional Sex
Expounding on beloved fictional characters’ sex lives and relationships. And what lessons/cautionary tales can be gleaned from those pairings.
read moreTrump Voters and the Empathy Cudgel
To ask someone who is black, or Muslim, Jewish, Female, Trans, Hispanic, Latinx queer, etc.. to hold empathy for Trump supporters is the equivalent of asking a domestic violence survivor to have empathy for their abuser.
Empathy is being used as an excuse to avoid accountability for the consequences of a Trump vote. This instinct, however well intentioned, is tantamount to gaslighting.
read moreBisexual identity and Orlando
Someone asked on a Facebook discussion thread why the Orlando shooting brings up so much angst around identity for bisexual folks. This is my response
read moreThoughts on the Stanford Sexual Assault Case
The Stanford sexual assault case is heartbreaking, and many people are angered by the judge’s leniency on the perpetrator. The Internet is out for blood. I’m not. But I’m still angry, and want to channel that anger into something less corrosive.
read moreShibari Appropriation Redux
As I had hoped, my last post on Shibari and Appropriation generated some really interesting and important feedback. Some people identified some perceived blind spots in my post, as well as aspects of this issue that went unaddressed or under-addressed. A few people noted, and rightly so, was that the issue was not about cultural appropriation, but rather cultural misappropriation. I think it’s best to let the comments speak from themselves. Click through the tabs below to read some of the social media and blog comments. MidoriSa...
read moreShibari and cultural appropriation
Is Shibari cultural appropriation? The answer is complicated.
read moreEt Tu, Gottman?
So, I was getting ready to finally get off my tail and write my last Sound Relationship Dungeon entry, when a dear friend messaged me on Facebook Chat. He said: Aww, man! Gottman is hating on porn. He also linked to this open letter from Gottman’s blog. Gottman writes: With pornography use, much more of a normal stimulus may eventually be needed to achieve the response a supernormal stimulus evokes. In contrast, ordinary levels of the stimulus are no longer interesting. This may be how normal sex becomes much less interesting for porn...
read moreTrigger warnings revisited
A while ago, I wrote a post about my issues with trigger warnings. In short, I wasn’t against them, but wary of how they could be used. Recently, I’ve had some conversations that have shifted my stance. When I wrote the post, I made a common, but inaccurate assumption: a trigger warning’s purpose is to shield people from challenging content. This is how a trigger warning can function, of course, but it doesn’t have to. Kate Manne also made a compelling case for their use in a recent-ish op-ed piece. Increasingly,...
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