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We Need to Talk About R Kelly

We Need to Talk About R Kelly

Posted by on Jul 18, 2017 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, education, Mental health, NCSF, Power Exchange, sex, sex education, Sexuality, twitter, Uncategorized | 0 comments

The details of R Kelly’s alleged “sex cult” bears certain external similarities to the trappings of a consensual D/s relationship. However, strict protocols do not a D/s relationship make. Even if, for the sake of argument, R Kelly’s actions did fall under the rubric of kinky play, his actions would still be problematic and abusive

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CatalystCon Musings

Posted by on Sep 17, 2015 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, education, event, Restorative Justice, Sexuality, Sound Relationship Dungeon, storify, Trauma, Uncategorized | 1 comment

Thank you again to the organizers at CatalystCon for inviting me to speak. It was truly a privilege to have been part of this event. I truly appreciated the opportunity to connect and learn from so many amazing activists, clinicians and educators. For those of you who could not make it to CatalystCon, I am posting the Storify of the class’...

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Lessons in Abuse Response

Posted by on Aug 20, 2015 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, prevention, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

So, in my Breaking Silence talk, I ask the audience what they think is one of the worst things you can say to someone experiencing abuse. The answer is “You have to leave!” Because in stripping a survivor of the ability to make their own choices, you’re essentially re-victimizing them. Also, one of the most dangerous and unpredictable...

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Anniversary

Anniversary

Posted by on Jul 9, 2015 in Abuse, Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, Healing, Internet, Mental health, Trauma, troubleshooting kink, Uncategorized | 0 comments

It has been just over a year since I started this blog. Amazing how quickly the time has gone. When I began this blog, I set out to create a space where I could work out my thoughts, tackle some hot button issues, and hopefully providing a unique perspective on kink, sexuality and abuse. I like to think I’m doing an ok job thus far. A lot of very...

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Tool kits and discontents

Posted by on Feb 23, 2015 in Abuse, Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Classes, Fetlife, harm reduction, Healing, Internet, NCSF, prevention, Restorative Justice, Uncategorized | 0 comments

As part of my research for my Breaking Silence Class, I came across two resources that seemed very promising. The first is INCITE’s resources for community organizing and violence prevention. INCITE is an organization of women, gender non-conforming, and trans* people of color who are working to prevent violence in their communities. I haven’t...

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Polyamory and Domestic Violence

Posted by on Dec 1, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Mental health, Sexuality, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Many months ago, I was contacted by an individual who was in a domestic violence situation. The situation was complicated by the fact that the abusive relationship was within the context of a polyamorous dynamic. This case was a very important reminder to me that being involved in polyamory or any form of consensual non-monogamy does not necessarily...

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Lena Dunham and Accidental Javerts

Lena Dunham and Accidental Javerts

Posted by on Nov 3, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, Internet, prevention, Restorative Justice, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

The more time I spend on social media, the more I wish more people understood Brene Brown’s findings on shame and blame. I’ll let her explain. Lena Dunham is popping up quite a bit on my social media pages. She has apparently been accused of shamelessly describing molesting her sister in her newest book. She is one of many public figures who are being...

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Naked Therapy, Get Off My Lawn!

Naked Therapy, Get Off My Lawn!

Posted by on Sep 22, 2014 in Abuse, Sex Therapy, Sexuality, Trauma, Uncategorized | 2 comments

Update: I wrote an addendum to this post, which can be found here. Generally speaking, I like to consider myself more open minded than your average bear. I am also not opposed to the notion that not all people respond well to traditional therapeutic methods, and can find healing by other means. And then I read articles about stuff like this… The service in...

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Shame, Denial, and Victim Blaming

Shame, Denial, and Victim Blaming

Posted by on Sep 15, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, harm reduction, Healing, Mental health, prevention, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Last night, a friend of mine forwarded this article to me about the Rice domestic violence scandal. While, as a white female, I do not fall anywhere near his target audience (black men), I found a lot to relate to in his article. As the author very astutely points out, the excuses for Rice coming from black men bear a frightening resemblance to those that...

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The Art of Pickup vs. Real Power

The Art of Pickup vs. Real Power

Posted by on Jul 28, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Gender, Pickup Artists, Power Exchange, Seduction, Seduction community, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

In one of my more masochistic moments, I made the mistake of reading up on the world of pickup artists (PUAs) and related online communities. Two sites in particular caught me like a deer in headlights: a reddit post about using operant conditioning to “train” women, and the blog of pickup artist RooshV, whose views on women and relationships...

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People, action, accountability

Posted by on Jul 14, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Uncategorized | 2 comments

EDIT Kate posted a comment about my blog on Facebook, which I think needs to be added to this conversation. She called me out on a very important point. It really is a community’s responsibility to build and enforce safe containers. It should not fall solely on the shoulders of the accusers/victims. Thank you, Kate, for correcting me. I wish instead...

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Abuse from the Bottom

Posted by on Jul 7, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, NCSF, Power Exchange, Uncategorized | 2 comments

About a week or so ago (my perception of time is occasionally squishy), I was talking with a friend of mine over coffee. As she is a fellow sex nerd, and someone whose opinions I trust about such things, I was bouncing ideas off of her not just for this blog, but for the courses I’m putting together on healthy vs. abusive kink. I am blessed to...

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