On the recent disclosures of abuse in the community and the transformative justice process that I am a part of.
Read MoreWe Need to Talk About R Kelly
The details of R Kelly’s alleged “sex cult” bears certain external similarities to the trappings of a consensual D/s relationship. However, strict protocols do not a D/s relationship make. Even if, for the sake of argument, R Kelly’s actions did fall under the rubric of kinky play, his actions would still be problematic and abusive
Read MoreFictional Sex
Expounding on beloved fictional characters’ sex lives and relationships. And what lessons/cautionary tales can be gleaned from those pairings.
Read MoreBisexual identity and Orlando
Someone asked on a Facebook discussion thread why the Orlando shooting brings up so much angst around identity for bisexual folks. This is my response
Read MoreThoughts on the Stanford Sexual Assault Case
The Stanford sexual assault case is heartbreaking, and many people are angered by the judge’s leniency on the perpetrator. The Internet is out for blood. I’m not. But I’m still angry, and want to channel that anger into something less corrosive.
Read MoreShibari Appropriation Redux
As I had hoped, my last post on Shibari and Appropriation generated some really interesting and important feedback. Some people identified some perceived blind spots in my post, as well as aspects of this issue that went unaddressed or under-addressed. A few people noted, and rightly so, was that the issue was not about cultural appropriation, but rather...
Read MoreShibari and cultural appropriation
Is Shibari cultural appropriation? The answer is complicated.
Read MoreTrigger warnings revisited
A while ago, I wrote a post about my issues with trigger warnings. In short, I wasn’t against them, but wary of how they could be used. Recently, I’ve had some conversations that have shifted my stance. When I wrote the post, I made a common, but inaccurate assumption: a trigger warning’s purpose is to shield people from challenging...
Read MoreCatalystCon Musings
Thank you again to the organizers at CatalystCon for inviting me to speak. It was truly a privilege to have been part of this event. I truly appreciated the opportunity to connect and learn from so many amazing activists, clinicians and educators. For those of you who could not make it to CatalystCon, I am posting the Storify of the class’...
Read MoreLessons in Abuse Response
So, in my Breaking Silence talk, I ask the audience what they think is one of the worst things you can say to someone experiencing abuse. The answer is “You have to leave!” Because in stripping a survivor of the ability to make their own choices, you’re essentially re-victimizing them. Also, one of the most dangerous and unpredictable...
Read MoreWoodhull Debrief
I am decompressing from an amazing and inspiring weekend at the Woodhull Sexual Summit. I am filled with gratitude to have been among the amazing speakers and professionals who are doing important work in the field of sexuality. I am still processing the event, and probably will be for the next few weeks. Many powerful conversations were had about sex...
Read MoreAnniversary
It has been just over a year since I started this blog. Amazing how quickly the time has gone. When I began this blog, I set out to create a space where I could work out my thoughts, tackle some hot button issues, and hopefully providing a unique perspective on kink, sexuality and abuse. I like to think I’m doing an ok job thus far. A lot of very...
Read MoreThe Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 7: Life Dreams
Today I bring you the seventh and penultimate installment of my Sound Relationship Dungeon Series: Making Life Dreams Come True. The Gottmans Describe this level of the relationship house as an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions and aspirations. In most healthy relationships, there is a space...
Read MoreThe Oppression that Wasn’t There
The Rachel Dolezal story has a lot of people shaking their heads. I’ll let Jon Stewart explain: http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/9pxi9w/whaaaaaaat—–black-ish-ish In the wake of this story breaking, pundits and bloggers of all political stripes have compared this story to Caitlyn Jenner’s coming out as trans. The term...
Read MoreAASECT Debrief
As I decompress from my weekend at AASECT, I find myself faced with an interesting yes/and moment. This past weekend was a transformational experience for me, both personally and professionally. At the same time, concerns have been raised about AASECT’s commitment not only to diversity, but fostering an environment that is open and welcoming to...
Read MoreCreative Commons
Safety Beyond Safewords is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.