On the recent disclosures of abuse in the community and the transformative justice process that I am a part of.
Read MoreFictional Sex
Expounding on beloved fictional characters’ sex lives and relationships. And what lessons/cautionary tales can be gleaned from those pairings.
Read MoreCatalystCon Musings
Thank you again to the organizers at CatalystCon for inviting me to speak. It was truly a privilege to have been part of this event. I truly appreciated the opportunity to connect and learn from so many amazing activists, clinicians and educators. For those of you who could not make it to CatalystCon, I am posting the Storify of the class’...
Read MoreLessons in Abuse Response
So, in my Breaking Silence talk, I ask the audience what they think is one of the worst things you can say to someone experiencing abuse. The answer is “You have to leave!” Because in stripping a survivor of the ability to make their own choices, you’re essentially re-victimizing them. Also, one of the most dangerous and unpredictable...
Read MoreAnniversary
It has been just over a year since I started this blog. Amazing how quickly the time has gone. When I began this blog, I set out to create a space where I could work out my thoughts, tackle some hot button issues, and hopefully providing a unique perspective on kink, sexuality and abuse. I like to think I’m doing an ok job thus far. A lot of very...
Read MoreRace, Kink, Community
With everything that has been happening in the world at large, race, racism, and institutional oppression are at the forefront of social consciousness in this country. It has become something that can no longer be ignored. These conversations have also hit segments of the kink community, as is to be expected. The IMsL community in particular has been...
Read MoreI Read The News Today…
I had a post planned out today about shame and empathy. It’s sitting in my drafts folder right now. Perhaps I’ll post it next week or the week after. Today, I just didn’t have it in me to click the post button. I’ve been reading a lot about the protests in Baltimore. One more black man shot down by the people we pay to protect the...
Read MorePolyamory and Domestic Violence
Many months ago, I was contacted by an individual who was in a domestic violence situation. The situation was complicated by the fact that the abusive relationship was within the context of a polyamorous dynamic. This case was a very important reminder to me that being involved in polyamory or any form of consensual non-monogamy does not necessarily...
Read MorePost-con Musings; Restorative Justice at Kink Events
Pseudolus: Wait! Hero: Yes? Pseudolus: A brilliant idea! Hero: Yes! Pseudolus: That’s what we need, a brilliant idea. -from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum This past week, I had the honor and privilege of writing an entry for Kink and Tango post. You can read the article Here. I’m more than a little proud of it. I also presented at...
Read MoreLena Dunham and Accidental Javerts
The more time I spend on social media, the more I wish more people understood Brene Brown’s findings on shame and blame. I’ll let her explain. Lena Dunham is popping up quite a bit on my social media pages. She has apparently been accused of shamelessly describing molesting her sister in her newest book. She is one of many public figures who are being...
Read MoreNaked Therapy, Get Off My Lawn!
Update: I wrote an addendum to this post, which can be found here. Generally speaking, I like to consider myself more open minded than your average bear. I am also not opposed to the notion that not all people respond well to traditional therapeutic methods, and can find healing by other means. And then I read articles about stuff like this… The service in...
Read MoreShame, Denial, and Victim Blaming
Last night, a friend of mine forwarded this article to me about the Rice domestic violence scandal. While, as a white female, I do not fall anywhere near his target audience (black men), I found a lot to relate to in his article. As the author very astutely points out, the excuses for Rice coming from black men bear a frightening resemblance to those that...
Read MoreKink, Trauma, Transformation
The intersection of kink and trauma, especially sexual trauma, is a source of perpetual angst and controversy, both within and outside of kink communities. This is, in part, because of how sexual sadism and masochism were viewed by many a mental health professional since Richard von Krafft-Ebing published Psychopathia Sexualis. Anecdotally, I know of many...
Read MoreCreative Commons
Safety Beyond Safewords is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.