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Race, Kink, Community

Posted by on May 4, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Healing, Restorative Justice, Sexuality, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

With everything that has been happening in the world at large, race, racism, and institutional oppression are at the forefront of social consciousness in this country. It has become something that can no longer be ignored. These conversations have also hit segments of the kink community, as is to be expected. The IMsL community in particular has been...

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Healthcare and Kink

Posted by on Apr 13, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, Mental health, NCSF, prevention, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

For kink identified people, finding judgment free healthcare can be tricky. It is one of the reason’s why the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has compiled a directory of kink aware professionals. For those who are sexual masochists, submissives, and the like, deciding whether to explain bruising or power dynamics to a medical provider is not...

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The Short-Short Update

The Short-Short Update

Posted by on Mar 9, 2015 in education, Fetlife, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

I was hoping to get the latest installment of my Sound Relationship Dungeon posted today, but alas, it was not to be. I do, however, have a compilation page, where you can read all of my sound relationship dungeon posts to date, here There was also a recent article in the Atlantic about Fetlife’s no naming abusers policy. I’m still processing...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 4: Turning Towards

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 4: Turning Towards

Posted by on Mar 2, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, Power Exchange, Sexuality, storify, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Whenever healthy kink is discussed or explained to people outside the “lifestyle,” the primary focus is on consent. According to prevailing wisdom, so long as everyone involved is a functioning adult, and all parties consent, everything is kosher. While consent is super important, it is not the only characteristic of healthy kink. Necessary but...

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Kink Aware Therapy and Event Debrief

Posted by on Feb 16, 2015 in Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Classes, education, event, NELA, Sexuality, storify, troubleshooting kink, Uncategorized | 1 comment

I am spending this very chilly President’s Day avoiding the cold and decompressing from my weekend at The Flea. I want to thank all of the NELA staff and volunteers for putting together such a fantastic event. It was truly a joy to be part of this event. This past weekend, I taught not one, not two, but three classes at...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 3: Fondness and Admiration

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 3: Fondness and Admiration

Posted by on Feb 2, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 1 comment

It’s been a while since I’ve written an installment on Kink and Gottman’s sound relationship house. Read part 1 here and part 2 here We now move up to the next floor of the Sound Relationship House: Fondness and Admiration. According to John Gottman, fondness and admiration are crucial antidotes to contempt. In The Seven Principles For...

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Sexual assault response teams

Posted by on Jan 26, 2015 in Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

One of the many resources I’ve come across is something called a SART, which is short for a Sexual Assault Response Team. These are multidisciplinary, community based teams that are dedicated to provide community and survivor support. Now, this project is intended for geographically based communities and not interest based communities. The kink...

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Troubleshooting Kink: Behind the Scenes

Posted by on Jan 19, 2015 in education, kink event, Mental health, Sex Therapy, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

In a few short weeks, I have the honor of presenting at the healthy vs abusive kink and mental health round table, I will be teaching a brand new class, called Troubleshooting Kink, on aftercare and conflict resolution. For those readers not well versed in kink/BDSM terminology, there are traditionally three “phases” of an episode of kinky...

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Kink, Race, Privilege

Posted by on Jan 12, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

A few weeks ago, This article came across my Facebook feed. In the wake of Ferguson and the Eric Garner shootings, the author Britt Bennet wrote a very powerful piece about her complicated relationship to privilege and race. I often hear good white people ask why people of color must make everything about race, as if we enjoy considering racism as a...

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Gender neutral honorific

Posted by on Dec 29, 2014 in Sexuality, Uncategorized | 1 comment

Today, I would like to pose a question that I asked my Facebook friends. From the time I was little, I learned to show respect by calling people “sir” or “ma’am.” Now, it’s something I do almost on instinct, especially when I’m talking to administrative assistants, bell hops, wait staff, etc. It was considered the...

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Posted by on Dec 22, 2014 in Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Last week was the first week I missed a post. It felt surprisingly crappy. I made a commitment to update every Monday, and for the first time since I started writing, I fell down on my commitment. My new job has taken more out of me than I expected, but I do plan to update this space as often as I can. I will have an actual post up later this...

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WOC Sexual Health Network

Posted by on Dec 8, 2014 in Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

This has been a tough week for me and the rest of the world, it seems. The verdicts of the Ferguson and Eric Garner cases have left me speechless. I grieve for the victims’ families and every other person of color who lives in fear of the system that is supposed to serve and protect. This is also a week when personal and professional issues have left...

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Polyamory and Domestic Violence

Posted by on Dec 1, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Mental health, Sexuality, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Many months ago, I was contacted by an individual who was in a domestic violence situation. The situation was complicated by the fact that the abusive relationship was within the context of a polyamorous dynamic. This case was a very important reminder to me that being involved in polyamory or any form of consensual non-monogamy does not necessarily...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon part 2: Negotiation and Love Maps

Sound Relationship Dungeon part 2: Negotiation and Love Maps

Posted by on Nov 24, 2014 in Challenging narratives, education, NCSF, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

A couple weeks ago, I started talking about applying Gottman’s concept of the here. Don’t worry. I’ll wait. … All caught up? Great! Let’s move on. This week’s post is about the most fundamental aspect of just about any relationship: knowing your partners’ worlds. According to Gottman, Love Maps are the foundation of the sound relationship...

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