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We Need to Talk About R Kelly

We Need to Talk About R Kelly

Posted by on Jul 18, 2017 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, education, Mental health, NCSF, Power Exchange, sex, sex education, Sexuality, twitter, Uncategorized | 0 comments

The details of R Kelly’s alleged “sex cult” bears certain external similarities to the trappings of a consensual D/s relationship. However, strict protocols do not a D/s relationship make. Even if, for the sake of argument, R Kelly’s actions did fall under the rubric of kinky play, his actions would still be problematic and abusive

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The Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 7: Life Dreams

The Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 7: Life Dreams

Posted by on Jun 26, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Healing, Power Exchange, Sexuality, Sound Relationship Dungeon, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Today I bring you the seventh and penultimate installment of my Sound Relationship Dungeon Series: Making Life Dreams Come True. The Gottmans Describe this level of the relationship house as an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions and aspirations. In most healthy relationships, there is a space...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 6: Managing Conflict

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 6: Managing Conflict

Posted by on Apr 6, 2015 in Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Power Exchange, Sound Relationship Dungeon, storify, troubleshooting kink, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Today’s installment of the Sound Relationship Dungeon is all about managing conflict. Whenever we make the choice to connect or share intimacy with another human being, we run the risk of hurting someone and being hurt. It’s part of the whole “being human” thing. No ones’ feelings, core values, and perspectives ever match 100%...

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Topping from the bottom

Posted by on Mar 23, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Internet, Power Exchange, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Back in August, I wrote a post on kink and healing trauma. In this post, I asked people to share their stories. Anyway, this past week, I received a comment from that feedback by Angger Schweinsteiger. It looks like Annger posted both a comment and a reply from a different post. Negative comments were referenced, and no one made negative comments on my...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 4: Turning Towards

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 4: Turning Towards

Posted by on Mar 2, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, Power Exchange, Sexuality, storify, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Whenever healthy kink is discussed or explained to people outside the “lifestyle,” the primary focus is on consent. According to prevailing wisdom, so long as everyone involved is a functioning adult, and all parties consent, everything is kosher. While consent is super important, it is not the only characteristic of healthy kink. Necessary but...

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The Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 1

The Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 1

Posted by on Nov 10, 2014 in Challenging narratives, Power Exchange, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

What is the difference between healthy and abusive kink? How can a therapist working with kinky clients assess the health of such relationships without over or under-reacting? How can kinky folk start talking about these issues without demonizing each other or sweeping problematic behaviors under the rug? These are the questions that led to the creation of...

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Consent and Congruence

Consent and Congruence

Posted by on Sep 29, 2014 in Common Myths, education, kink event, Mental health, Power Exchange, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

This past weekend, I had the privilege of presenting at Wicked Women, where I taught my healthy vs. abusive kink class and the workshop I developed with Kamela Dolinova on creative negotiation and embodied consent. One of the many things I love about teaching workshops is that I come away having learned as much, of not more than those taking my workshops....

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Kink and Tango; an organic poem

Kink and Tango; an organic poem

Posted by on Sep 8, 2014 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, Power Exchange, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 1 comment

Anna Deavere Smith once said that people talk in “organic poems.” And she could not be more right. One of my primary sources for self care is partner dance, and as of late, Argentine tango has been my dance du jour. Incidentally, educator and presenter Lord Ramirez teaches a class on the D/s of Argentine tango. The inherent power exchange of...

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The Art of Pickup vs. Real Power

The Art of Pickup vs. Real Power

Posted by on Jul 28, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Gender, Pickup Artists, Power Exchange, Seduction, Seduction community, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

In one of my more masochistic moments, I made the mistake of reading up on the world of pickup artists (PUAs) and related online communities. Two sites in particular caught me like a deer in headlights: a reddit post about using operant conditioning to “train” women, and the blog of pickup artist RooshV, whose views on women and relationships...

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Abuse from the Bottom

Posted by on Jul 7, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, NCSF, Power Exchange, Uncategorized | 2 comments

About a week or so ago (my perception of time is occasionally squishy), I was talking with a friend of mine over coffee. As she is a fellow sex nerd, and someone whose opinions I trust about such things, I was bouncing ideas off of her not just for this blog, but for the courses I’m putting together on healthy vs. abusive kink. I am blessed to...

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