Safety Beyond Safewords

Navigation Menu

We Need to Talk About R Kelly

We Need to Talk About R Kelly

Posted by on Jul 18, 2017 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, education, Mental health, NCSF, Power Exchange, sex, sex education, Sexuality, twitter, Uncategorized | 0 comments

The details of R Kelly’s alleged “sex cult” bears certain external similarities to the trappings of a consensual D/s relationship. However, strict protocols do not a D/s relationship make. Even if, for the sake of argument, R Kelly’s actions did fall under the rubric of kinky play, his actions would still be problematic and abusive

Read More

Healthcare and Kink

Posted by on Apr 13, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, Mental health, NCSF, prevention, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

For kink identified people, finding judgment free healthcare can be tricky. It is one of the reason’s why the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has compiled a directory of kink aware professionals. For those who are sexual masochists, submissives, and the like, deciding whether to explain bruising or power dynamics to a medical provider is not...

Read More

Tool kits and discontents

Posted by on Feb 23, 2015 in Abuse, Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Classes, Fetlife, harm reduction, Healing, Internet, NCSF, prevention, Restorative Justice, Uncategorized | 0 comments

As part of my research for my Breaking Silence Class, I came across two resources that seemed very promising. The first is INCITE’s resources for community organizing and violence prevention. INCITE is an organization of women, gender non-conforming, and trans* people of color who are working to prevent violence in their communities. I haven’t...

Read More

Sound Relationship Dungeon part 2: Negotiation and Love Maps

Sound Relationship Dungeon part 2: Negotiation and Love Maps

Posted by on Nov 24, 2014 in Challenging narratives, education, NCSF, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

A couple weeks ago, I started talking about applying Gottman’s concept of the here. Don’t worry. I’ll wait. … All caught up? Great! Let’s move on. This week’s post is about the most fundamental aspect of just about any relationship: knowing your partners’ worlds. According to Gottman, Love Maps are the foundation of the sound relationship...

Read More

Certified Kink?

Certified Kink?

Posted by on Oct 20, 2014 in AASECT, Challenging narratives, education, Mental health, NCSF, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

A number of times over the last week or so, this post has popped up on my Facebook and Fetlife feeds. It was written by Race Bannon some years ago about whether the world of kink should have its own form of certification for presenters and players. If I understand correctly, the whole point of certifications would be to ensure that you are playing with or...

Read More

Abuse from the Bottom

Posted by on Jul 7, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, NCSF, Power Exchange, Uncategorized | 2 comments

About a week or so ago (my perception of time is occasionally squishy), I was talking with a friend of mine over coffee. As she is a fellow sex nerd, and someone whose opinions I trust about such things, I was bouncing ideas off of her not just for this blog, but for the courses I’m putting together on healthy vs. abusive kink. I am blessed to...

Read More