The details of R Kelly’s alleged “sex cult” bears certain external similarities to the trappings of a consensual D/s relationship. However, strict protocols do not a D/s relationship make. Even if, for the sake of argument, R Kelly’s actions did fall under the rubric of kinky play, his actions would still be problematic and abusive
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So, I was getting ready to finally get off my tail and write my last Sound Relationship Dungeon entry, when a dear friend messaged me on Facebook Chat. He said: Aww, man! Gottman is hating on porn. He also linked to this open letter from Gottman’s blog. Gottman writes: With pornography use, much more of a normal stimulus may eventually be needed to...
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It has been just over a year since I started this blog. Amazing how quickly the time has gone. When I began this blog, I set out to create a space where I could work out my thoughts, tackle some hot button issues, and hopefully providing a unique perspective on kink, sexuality and abuse. I like to think I’m doing an ok job thus far. A lot of very...
Read MoreOne of the many presenters I had the privilege of meeting at CARAS was Dominic Davies of Pink Therapy. Pink therapy is a practice in the UK that specializes in gender and sexual diversity. They provide culturally competent care to clients of all genders and sexual identifications. They also offer some pretty fantastic training programs. If I had the time...
Read MoreFor kink identified people, finding judgment free healthcare can be tricky. It is one of the reason’s why the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has compiled a directory of kink aware professionals. For those who are sexual masochists, submissives, and the like, deciding whether to explain bruising or power dynamics to a medical provider is not...
Read MoreIn a few short weeks, I have the honor of presenting at the healthy vs abusive kink and mental health round table, I will be teaching a brand new class, called Troubleshooting Kink, on aftercare and conflict resolution. For those readers not well versed in kink/BDSM terminology, there are traditionally three “phases” of an episode of kinky...
Read MoreMany months ago, I was contacted by an individual who was in a domestic violence situation. The situation was complicated by the fact that the abusive relationship was within the context of a polyamorous dynamic. This case was a very important reminder to me that being involved in polyamory or any form of consensual non-monogamy does not necessarily...
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A number of times over the last week or so, this post has popped up on my Facebook and Fetlife feeds. It was written by Race Bannon some years ago about whether the world of kink should have its own form of certification for presenters and players. If I understand correctly, the whole point of certifications would be to ensure that you are playing with or...
Read MoreIf you’d like to follow #sextalktuesday, but don’t want to slog through all of the twitters, you can do so here. The chat goes live at 3PM Eastern time. I hope you enjoy!...
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This past weekend, I had the privilege of presenting at Wicked Women, where I taught my healthy vs. abusive kink class and the workshop I developed with Kamela Dolinova on creative negotiation and embodied consent. One of the many things I love about teaching workshops is that I come away having learned as much, of not more than those taking my workshops....
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Last night, a friend of mine forwarded this article to me about the Rice domestic violence scandal. While, as a white female, I do not fall anywhere near his target audience (black men), I found a lot to relate to in his article. As the author very astutely points out, the excuses for Rice coming from black men bear a frightening resemblance to those that...
Read MoreThe intersection of kink and trauma, especially sexual trauma, is a source of perpetual angst and controversy, both within and outside of kink communities. This is, in part, because of how sexual sadism and masochism were viewed by many a mental health professional since Richard von Krafft-Ebing published Psychopathia Sexualis. Anecdotally, I know of many...
Read MoreFirst of all, I want to thank all of the folks at Geeky Kink New England for hosting me, and putting together such a wonderful event. On Saturday morning, I taught my Breaking Silence class, which breaks down the differences between healthy and abusive kink, and explores how to best address abuse and violence in kink communities. There was a small turnout,...
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