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Et Tu, Gottman?

Et Tu, Gottman?

Posted by on Apr 14, 2016 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, harm reduction, Mental health, Sex Therapy, Sexuality | 1 comment

So, I was getting ready to finally get off my tail and write my last Sound Relationship Dungeon entry, when a dear friend messaged me on Facebook Chat. He said: Aww, man! Gottman is hating on porn. He also linked to this open letter from Gottman’s blog. Gottman writes: With pornography use, much more of a normal stimulus may eventually be needed to...

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Trigger warnings revisited

Posted by on Oct 6, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Uncategorized | 0 comments

A while ago, I wrote a post about my issues with trigger warnings. In short, I wasn’t against them, but wary of how they could be used. Recently, I’ve had some conversations that have shifted my stance. When I wrote the post, I made a common, but inaccurate assumption: a trigger warning’s purpose is to shield people from challenging...

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Accountability in Kink Communities

Posted by on Sep 18, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, prevention, Restorative Justice | 0 comments

I initially posted this along with my CatalystCon Live tweets. However, on further reflection, I decided it warranted its own post. In addition to my talk, there was also a panel at CatalystCon on addressing abuse in alternative relationships. Cunning Minx of Polyamory Weekly published her roundup of that conversation here. I was glad to see other people...

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Lessons in Abuse Response

Posted by on Aug 20, 2015 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, prevention, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

So, in my Breaking Silence talk, I ask the audience what they think is one of the worst things you can say to someone experiencing abuse. The answer is “You have to leave!” Because in stripping a survivor of the ability to make their own choices, you’re essentially re-victimizing them. Also, one of the most dangerous and unpredictable...

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Woodhull Debrief

Woodhull Debrief

Posted by on Aug 17, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Classes, education, event, harm reduction, Healing, prevention, Sexuality, storify, Uncategorized | 0 comments

I am decompressing from an amazing and inspiring weekend at the Woodhull Sexual Summit. I am filled with gratitude to have been among the amazing speakers and professionals who are doing important work in the field of sexuality. I am still processing the event, and probably will be for the next few weeks. Many powerful conversations were had about sex...

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Pink Therapy and Sexual Diversity

Posted by on Jun 1, 2015 in harm reduction, Healing, kink event, Mental health, prevention, Sex Therapy, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

One of the many presenters I had the privilege of meeting at CARAS was Dominic Davies of Pink Therapy. Pink therapy is a practice in the UK that specializes in gender and sexual diversity. They provide culturally competent care to clients of all genders and sexual identifications. They also offer some pretty fantastic training programs. If I had the time...

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Healthcare and Kink

Posted by on Apr 13, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, Mental health, NCSF, prevention, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

For kink identified people, finding judgment free healthcare can be tricky. It is one of the reason’s why the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has compiled a directory of kink aware professionals. For those who are sexual masochists, submissives, and the like, deciding whether to explain bruising or power dynamics to a medical provider is not...

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Tool kits and discontents

Posted by on Feb 23, 2015 in Abuse, Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Classes, Fetlife, harm reduction, Healing, Internet, NCSF, prevention, Restorative Justice, Uncategorized | 0 comments

As part of my research for my Breaking Silence Class, I came across two resources that seemed very promising. The first is INCITE’s resources for community organizing and violence prevention. INCITE is an organization of women, gender non-conforming, and trans* people of color who are working to prevent violence in their communities. I haven’t...

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Obligatory 50 Shades Post

Obligatory 50 Shades Post

Posted by on Feb 9, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Uncategorized | 1 comment

For those of you who have been living under a rock, there’s this movie coming out on Valentine’s day called 50 Shades of Grey. It’s based on a book that you may have heard of. 50 Shades is the latest popular culture phenomenon to bring BDSM to mainstream attention.To be honest, I was not able to get very far into the book. Call me snobby,...

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Post-con Musings; Restorative Justice at Kink Events

Post-con Musings; Restorative Justice at Kink Events

Posted by on Nov 17, 2014 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, kink event, Restorative Justice, Trauma, Uncategorized | 4 comments

Pseudolus: Wait! Hero: Yes? Pseudolus: A brilliant idea! Hero: Yes! Pseudolus: That’s what we need, a brilliant idea. -from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum This past week, I had the honor and privilege of writing an entry for Kink and Tango post. You can read the article Here. I’m more than a little proud of it. I also presented at...

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Lena Dunham and Accidental Javerts

Lena Dunham and Accidental Javerts

Posted by on Nov 3, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, Internet, prevention, Restorative Justice, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

The more time I spend on social media, the more I wish more people understood Brene Brown’s findings on shame and blame. I’ll let her explain. Lena Dunham is popping up quite a bit on my social media pages. She has apparently been accused of shamelessly describing molesting her sister in her newest book. She is one of many public figures who are being...

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Boundaries Were Violated (But Not By Us)

Boundaries Were Violated (But Not By Us)

Posted by on Oct 27, 2014 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, kink event, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 1 comment

As I was pondering what to write about today, I stumbled upon this post about a minor Canadian celebrity, Jian Ghomeshi, who claims that he was fired for being kinky. Turns out there are multiple allegations of consent violations against him. Andrea Zanin, Sex Geek blog author, sums up the issue pretty perfectly. A danger inherent in this kind of...

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Shame, Denial, and Victim Blaming

Shame, Denial, and Victim Blaming

Posted by on Sep 15, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, harm reduction, Healing, Mental health, prevention, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Last night, a friend of mine forwarded this article to me about the Rice domestic violence scandal. While, as a white female, I do not fall anywhere near his target audience (black men), I found a lot to relate to in his article. As the author very astutely points out, the excuses for Rice coming from black men bear a frightening resemblance to those that...

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Embracing “Yes-And”

Posted by on Sep 1, 2014 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, prevention, Uncategorized | 1 comment

Of all of the coursework I did in my social work program, I think the classes I took on DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) left the strongest impact on me. While I don’t have enough training or the proper setup to be a fully fledged DBT practitioner, many DBT concepts profoundly inform both my clinical work and how I engage my communities. The core...

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