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Race, Kink, Community

Posted by on May 4, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Healing, Restorative Justice, Sexuality, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

With everything that has been happening in the world at large, race, racism, and institutional oppression are at the forefront of social consciousness in this country. It has become something that can no longer be ignored. These conversations have also hit segments of the kink community, as is to be expected. The IMsL community in particular has been...

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Healthcare and Kink

Posted by on Apr 13, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, Mental health, NCSF, prevention, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

For kink identified people, finding judgment free healthcare can be tricky. It is one of the reason’s why the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has compiled a directory of kink aware professionals. For those who are sexual masochists, submissives, and the like, deciding whether to explain bruising or power dynamics to a medical provider is not...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 6: Managing Conflict

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 6: Managing Conflict

Posted by on Apr 6, 2015 in Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Power Exchange, Sound Relationship Dungeon, storify, troubleshooting kink, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Today’s installment of the Sound Relationship Dungeon is all about managing conflict. Whenever we make the choice to connect or share intimacy with another human being, we run the risk of hurting someone and being hurt. It’s part of the whole “being human” thing. No ones’ feelings, core values, and perspectives ever match 100%...

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Topping from the bottom

Posted by on Mar 23, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Internet, Power Exchange, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Back in August, I wrote a post on kink and healing trauma. In this post, I asked people to share their stories. Anyway, this past week, I received a comment from that feedback by Angger Schweinsteiger. It looks like Annger posted both a comment and a reply from a different post. Negative comments were referenced, and no one made negative comments on my...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 5: Positive Perspective

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 5: Positive Perspective

Posted by on Mar 16, 2015 in Challenging narratives, education, Sound Relationship Dungeon, Uncategorized | 0 comments

One of my favorite sex ed/sex related webcomics, Oh Joy Sex Toy, recently posted two awesome comics on BDSM Safety and the 50 Shades Series  Erica Moen rocks my metaphorical stripey socks. In the 50 Shades post, she does an awesome job of explaining the more problematic aspects of the book, the reasons she likes the books anyway, and...

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The Short-Short Update

The Short-Short Update

Posted by on Mar 9, 2015 in education, Fetlife, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

I was hoping to get the latest installment of my Sound Relationship Dungeon posted today, but alas, it was not to be. I do, however, have a compilation page, where you can read all of my sound relationship dungeon posts to date, here There was also a recent article in the Atlantic about Fetlife’s no naming abusers policy. I’m still processing...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 4: Turning Towards

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 4: Turning Towards

Posted by on Mar 2, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, Power Exchange, Sexuality, storify, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Whenever healthy kink is discussed or explained to people outside the “lifestyle,” the primary focus is on consent. According to prevailing wisdom, so long as everyone involved is a functioning adult, and all parties consent, everything is kosher. While consent is super important, it is not the only characteristic of healthy kink. Necessary but...

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Kink Aware Therapy and Event Debrief

Posted by on Feb 16, 2015 in Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Classes, education, event, NELA, Sexuality, storify, troubleshooting kink, Uncategorized | 1 comment

I am spending this very chilly President’s Day avoiding the cold and decompressing from my weekend at The Flea. I want to thank all of the NELA staff and volunteers for putting together such a fantastic event. It was truly a joy to be part of this event. This past weekend, I taught not one, not two, but three classes at...

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Obligatory 50 Shades Post

Obligatory 50 Shades Post

Posted by on Feb 9, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Uncategorized | 1 comment

For those of you who have been living under a rock, there’s this movie coming out on Valentine’s day called 50 Shades of Grey. It’s based on a book that you may have heard of. 50 Shades is the latest popular culture phenomenon to bring BDSM to mainstream attention.To be honest, I was not able to get very far into the book. Call me snobby,...

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Troubleshooting Kink: Behind the Scenes

Posted by on Jan 19, 2015 in education, kink event, Mental health, Sex Therapy, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

In a few short weeks, I have the honor of presenting at the healthy vs abusive kink and mental health round table, I will be teaching a brand new class, called Troubleshooting Kink, on aftercare and conflict resolution. For those readers not well versed in kink/BDSM terminology, there are traditionally three “phases” of an episode of kinky...

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Kink, Race, Privilege

Posted by on Jan 12, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

A few weeks ago, This article came across my Facebook feed. In the wake of Ferguson and the Eric Garner shootings, the author Britt Bennet wrote a very powerful piece about her complicated relationship to privilege and race. I often hear good white people ask why people of color must make everything about race, as if we enjoy considering racism as a...

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Polyamory and Domestic Violence

Posted by on Dec 1, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Mental health, Sexuality, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Many months ago, I was contacted by an individual who was in a domestic violence situation. The situation was complicated by the fact that the abusive relationship was within the context of a polyamorous dynamic. This case was a very important reminder to me that being involved in polyamory or any form of consensual non-monogamy does not necessarily...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon part 2: Negotiation and Love Maps

Sound Relationship Dungeon part 2: Negotiation and Love Maps

Posted by on Nov 24, 2014 in Challenging narratives, education, NCSF, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

A couple weeks ago, I started talking about applying Gottman’s concept of the here. Don’t worry. I’ll wait. … All caught up? Great! Let’s move on. This week’s post is about the most fundamental aspect of just about any relationship: knowing your partners’ worlds. According to Gottman, Love Maps are the foundation of the sound relationship...

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Post-con Musings; Restorative Justice at Kink Events

Post-con Musings; Restorative Justice at Kink Events

Posted by on Nov 17, 2014 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, kink event, Restorative Justice, Trauma, Uncategorized | 4 comments

Pseudolus: Wait! Hero: Yes? Pseudolus: A brilliant idea! Hero: Yes! Pseudolus: That’s what we need, a brilliant idea. -from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum This past week, I had the honor and privilege of writing an entry for Kink and Tango post. You can read the article Here. I’m more than a little proud of it. I also presented at...

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Lena Dunham and Accidental Javerts

Lena Dunham and Accidental Javerts

Posted by on Nov 3, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, Internet, prevention, Restorative Justice, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

The more time I spend on social media, the more I wish more people understood Brene Brown’s findings on shame and blame. I’ll let her explain. Lena Dunham is popping up quite a bit on my social media pages. She has apparently been accused of shamelessly describing molesting her sister in her newest book. She is one of many public figures who are being...

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