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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 6: Managing Conflict

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 6: Managing Conflict

Posted by on Apr 6, 2015 in Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Power Exchange, Sound Relationship Dungeon, storify, troubleshooting kink, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Today’s installment of the Sound Relationship Dungeon is all about managing conflict. Whenever we make the choice to connect or share intimacy with another human being, we run the risk of hurting someone and being hurt. It’s part of the whole “being human” thing. No ones’ feelings, core values, and perspectives ever match 100%...

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Topping from the bottom

Posted by on Mar 23, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Internet, Power Exchange, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Back in August, I wrote a post on kink and healing trauma. In this post, I asked people to share their stories. Anyway, this past week, I received a comment from that feedback by Angger Schweinsteiger. It looks like Annger posted both a comment and a reply from a different post. Negative comments were referenced, and no one made negative comments on my...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 4: Turning Towards

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 4: Turning Towards

Posted by on Mar 2, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, Power Exchange, Sexuality, storify, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Whenever healthy kink is discussed or explained to people outside the “lifestyle,” the primary focus is on consent. According to prevailing wisdom, so long as everyone involved is a functioning adult, and all parties consent, everything is kosher. While consent is super important, it is not the only characteristic of healthy kink. Necessary but...

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Obligatory 50 Shades Post

Obligatory 50 Shades Post

Posted by on Feb 9, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Uncategorized | 1 comment

For those of you who have been living under a rock, there’s this movie coming out on Valentine’s day called 50 Shades of Grey. It’s based on a book that you may have heard of. 50 Shades is the latest popular culture phenomenon to bring BDSM to mainstream attention.To be honest, I was not able to get very far into the book. Call me snobby,...

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Kink, Race, Privilege

Posted by on Jan 12, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

A few weeks ago, This article came across my Facebook feed. In the wake of Ferguson and the Eric Garner shootings, the author Britt Bennet wrote a very powerful piece about her complicated relationship to privilege and race. I often hear good white people ask why people of color must make everything about race, as if we enjoy considering racism as a...

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Polyamory and Domestic Violence

Posted by on Dec 1, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Mental health, Sexuality, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Many months ago, I was contacted by an individual who was in a domestic violence situation. The situation was complicated by the fact that the abusive relationship was within the context of a polyamorous dynamic. This case was a very important reminder to me that being involved in polyamory or any form of consensual non-monogamy does not necessarily...

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Post-con Musings; Restorative Justice at Kink Events

Post-con Musings; Restorative Justice at Kink Events

Posted by on Nov 17, 2014 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, kink event, Restorative Justice, Trauma, Uncategorized | 4 comments

Pseudolus: Wait! Hero: Yes? Pseudolus: A brilliant idea! Hero: Yes! Pseudolus: That’s what we need, a brilliant idea. -from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum This past week, I had the honor and privilege of writing an entry for Kink and Tango post. You can read the article Here. I’m more than a little proud of it. I also presented at...

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Lena Dunham and Accidental Javerts

Lena Dunham and Accidental Javerts

Posted by on Nov 3, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, Internet, prevention, Restorative Justice, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

The more time I spend on social media, the more I wish more people understood Brene Brown’s findings on shame and blame. I’ll let her explain. Lena Dunham is popping up quite a bit on my social media pages. She has apparently been accused of shamelessly describing molesting her sister in her newest book. She is one of many public figures who are being...

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Boundaries Were Violated (But Not By Us)

Boundaries Were Violated (But Not By Us)

Posted by on Oct 27, 2014 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, kink event, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 1 comment

As I was pondering what to write about today, I stumbled upon this post about a minor Canadian celebrity, Jian Ghomeshi, who claims that he was fired for being kinky. Turns out there are multiple allegations of consent violations against him. Andrea Zanin, Sex Geek blog author, sums up the issue pretty perfectly. A danger inherent in this kind of...

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Consent and Congruence

Consent and Congruence

Posted by on Sep 29, 2014 in Common Myths, education, kink event, Mental health, Power Exchange, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

This past weekend, I had the privilege of presenting at Wicked Women, where I taught my healthy vs. abusive kink class and the workshop I developed with Kamela Dolinova on creative negotiation and embodied consent. One of the many things I love about teaching workshops is that I come away having learned as much, of not more than those taking my workshops....

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Shame, Denial, and Victim Blaming

Shame, Denial, and Victim Blaming

Posted by on Sep 15, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, harm reduction, Healing, Mental health, prevention, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Last night, a friend of mine forwarded this article to me about the Rice domestic violence scandal. While, as a white female, I do not fall anywhere near his target audience (black men), I found a lot to relate to in his article. As the author very astutely points out, the excuses for Rice coming from black men bear a frightening resemblance to those that...

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Kink and Tango; an organic poem

Kink and Tango; an organic poem

Posted by on Sep 8, 2014 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, Power Exchange, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 1 comment

Anna Deavere Smith once said that people talk in “organic poems.” And she could not be more right. One of my primary sources for self care is partner dance, and as of late, Argentine tango has been my dance du jour. Incidentally, educator and presenter Lord Ramirez teaches a class on the D/s of Argentine tango. The inherent power exchange of...

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Embracing “Yes-And”

Posted by on Sep 1, 2014 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, prevention, Uncategorized | 1 comment

Of all of the coursework I did in my social work program, I think the classes I took on DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) left the strongest impact on me. While I don’t have enough training or the proper setup to be a fully fledged DBT practitioner, many DBT concepts profoundly inform both my clinical work and how I engage my communities. The core...

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Kink, Trauma, Transformation

Posted by on Aug 25, 2014 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, Mental health, Sex Therapy, Sexuality, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

The intersection of kink and trauma, especially sexual trauma, is a source of perpetual angst and controversy, both within and outside of kink communities. This is, in part, because of how sexual sadism and masochism were viewed by many a mental health professional since Richard von Krafft-Ebing published Psychopathia Sexualis. Anecdotally, I know of many...

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Kink and Mental Health Roundtable

Posted by on Aug 18, 2014 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, geeky kink New England, harm reduction, kink event, Mental health, prevention, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

First of all, I want to thank all of the folks at Geeky Kink New England for hosting me, and putting together such a wonderful event. On Saturday morning, I taught my Breaking Silence class, which breaks down the differences between healthy and abusive kink, and explores how to best address abuse and violence in kink communities. There was a small turnout,...

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