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Shibari Appropriation Redux

Posted by on May 8, 2016 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Sexuality, tokenism, Uncategorized | 0 comments

As I had hoped, my last post on Shibari and Appropriation generated some really interesting and important feedback. Some people identified some perceived blind spots in my post, as well as aspects of this issue that went unaddressed or under-addressed. A few people noted, and rightly so, was that the issue was not about cultural appropriation, but rather...

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Et Tu, Gottman?

Et Tu, Gottman?

Posted by on Apr 14, 2016 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, harm reduction, Mental health, Sex Therapy, Sexuality | 1 comment

So, I was getting ready to finally get off my tail and write my last Sound Relationship Dungeon entry, when a dear friend messaged me on Facebook Chat. He said: Aww, man! Gottman is hating on porn. He also linked to this open letter from Gottman’s blog. Gottman writes: With pornography use, much more of a normal stimulus may eventually be needed to...

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Trigger warnings revisited

Posted by on Oct 6, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Uncategorized | 0 comments

A while ago, I wrote a post about my issues with trigger warnings. In short, I wasn’t against them, but wary of how they could be used. Recently, I’ve had some conversations that have shifted my stance. When I wrote the post, I made a common, but inaccurate assumption: a trigger warning’s purpose is to shield people from challenging...

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Accountability in Kink Communities

Posted by on Sep 18, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, prevention, Restorative Justice | 0 comments

I initially posted this along with my CatalystCon Live tweets. However, on further reflection, I decided it warranted its own post. In addition to my talk, there was also a panel at CatalystCon on addressing abuse in alternative relationships. Cunning Minx of Polyamory Weekly published her roundup of that conversation here. I was glad to see other people...

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Troubleshooting Power Exchange Annotated

Posted by on Sep 6, 2015 in Classes, Common Myths, education, Sexuality | 0 comments

For those of you who missed it, here is a link to the webinar I gave last month on Troubleshooting Power Exchange. I’m really glad I had the opportunity to teach this class. I’m grateful to Jen, Dr. Bob, and Ava Durga of Creative Sexuality for inviting me to speak. I’ve been processing that webinar, and how it went, though I have yet to...

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Lessons in Abuse Response

Posted by on Aug 20, 2015 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, prevention, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

So, in my Breaking Silence talk, I ask the audience what they think is one of the worst things you can say to someone experiencing abuse. The answer is “You have to leave!” Because in stripping a survivor of the ability to make their own choices, you’re essentially re-victimizing them. Also, one of the most dangerous and unpredictable...

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Anniversary

Anniversary

Posted by on Jul 9, 2015 in Abuse, Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, Healing, Internet, Mental health, Trauma, troubleshooting kink, Uncategorized | 0 comments

It has been just over a year since I started this blog. Amazing how quickly the time has gone. When I began this blog, I set out to create a space where I could work out my thoughts, tackle some hot button issues, and hopefully providing a unique perspective on kink, sexuality and abuse. I like to think I’m doing an ok job thus far. A lot of very...

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The Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 7: Life Dreams

The Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 7: Life Dreams

Posted by on Jun 26, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Healing, Power Exchange, Sexuality, Sound Relationship Dungeon, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Today I bring you the seventh and penultimate installment of my Sound Relationship Dungeon Series: Making Life Dreams Come True. The Gottmans Describe this level of the relationship house as an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions and aspirations. In most healthy relationships, there is a space...

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The Oppression that Wasn’t There

The Oppression that Wasn’t There

Posted by on Jun 16, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

The Rachel Dolezal story has a lot of people shaking their heads. I’ll let Jon Stewart explain: http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/9pxi9w/whaaaaaaat—–black-ish-ish In the wake of this story breaking, pundits and bloggers of all political stripes have compared this story to Caitlyn Jenner’s coming out as trans. The term...

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Race, Kink, Community

Posted by on May 4, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Healing, Restorative Justice, Sexuality, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

With everything that has been happening in the world at large, race, racism, and institutional oppression are at the forefront of social consciousness in this country. It has become something that can no longer be ignored. These conversations have also hit segments of the kink community, as is to be expected. The IMsL community in particular has been...

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I Read The News Today…

I Read The News Today…

Posted by on Apr 27, 2015 in Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, Healing, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

I had a post planned out today about shame and empathy. It’s sitting in my drafts folder right now. Perhaps I’ll post it next week or the week after. Today, I just didn’t have it in me to click the post button. I’ve been reading a lot about the protests in Baltimore. One more black man shot down by the people we pay to protect the...

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Healthcare and Kink

Posted by on Apr 13, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, Mental health, NCSF, prevention, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

For kink identified people, finding judgment free healthcare can be tricky. It is one of the reason’s why the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has compiled a directory of kink aware professionals. For those who are sexual masochists, submissives, and the like, deciding whether to explain bruising or power dynamics to a medical provider is not...

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