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Race, Kink, Community

Posted by on May 4, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Healing, Restorative Justice, Sexuality, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

With everything that has been happening in the world at large, race, racism, and institutional oppression are at the forefront of social consciousness in this country. It has become something that can no longer be ignored. These conversations have also hit segments of the kink community, as is to be expected. The IMsL community in particular has been...

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I Read The News Today…

I Read The News Today…

Posted by on Apr 27, 2015 in Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, Healing, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

I had a post planned out today about shame and empathy. It’s sitting in my drafts folder right now. Perhaps I’ll post it next week or the week after. Today, I just didn’t have it in me to click the post button. I’ve been reading a lot about the protests in Baltimore. One more black man shot down by the people we pay to protect the...

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Healthcare and Kink

Posted by on Apr 13, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, Mental health, NCSF, prevention, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

For kink identified people, finding judgment free healthcare can be tricky. It is one of the reason’s why the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has compiled a directory of kink aware professionals. For those who are sexual masochists, submissives, and the like, deciding whether to explain bruising or power dynamics to a medical provider is not...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 6: Managing Conflict

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 6: Managing Conflict

Posted by on Apr 6, 2015 in Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Power Exchange, Sound Relationship Dungeon, storify, troubleshooting kink, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Today’s installment of the Sound Relationship Dungeon is all about managing conflict. Whenever we make the choice to connect or share intimacy with another human being, we run the risk of hurting someone and being hurt. It’s part of the whole “being human” thing. No ones’ feelings, core values, and perspectives ever match 100%...

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Topping from the bottom

Posted by on Mar 23, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Internet, Power Exchange, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Back in August, I wrote a post on kink and healing trauma. In this post, I asked people to share their stories. Anyway, this past week, I received a comment from that feedback by Angger Schweinsteiger. It looks like Annger posted both a comment and a reply from a different post. Negative comments were referenced, and no one made negative comments on my...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 5: Positive Perspective

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 5: Positive Perspective

Posted by on Mar 16, 2015 in Challenging narratives, education, Sound Relationship Dungeon, Uncategorized | 0 comments

One of my favorite sex ed/sex related webcomics, Oh Joy Sex Toy, recently posted two awesome comics on BDSM Safety and the 50 Shades Series  Erica Moen rocks my metaphorical stripey socks. In the 50 Shades post, she does an awesome job of explaining the more problematic aspects of the book, the reasons she likes the books anyway, and...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 4: Turning Towards

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 4: Turning Towards

Posted by on Mar 2, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, Power Exchange, Sexuality, storify, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Whenever healthy kink is discussed or explained to people outside the “lifestyle,” the primary focus is on consent. According to prevailing wisdom, so long as everyone involved is a functioning adult, and all parties consent, everything is kosher. While consent is super important, it is not the only characteristic of healthy kink. Necessary but...

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Tool kits and discontents

Posted by on Feb 23, 2015 in Abuse, Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Classes, Fetlife, harm reduction, Healing, Internet, NCSF, prevention, Restorative Justice, Uncategorized | 0 comments

As part of my research for my Breaking Silence Class, I came across two resources that seemed very promising. The first is INCITE’s resources for community organizing and violence prevention. INCITE is an organization of women, gender non-conforming, and trans* people of color who are working to prevent violence in their communities. I haven’t...

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Kink Aware Therapy and Event Debrief

Posted by on Feb 16, 2015 in Breaking Silence, Challenging narratives, Classes, education, event, NELA, Sexuality, storify, troubleshooting kink, Uncategorized | 1 comment

I am spending this very chilly President’s Day avoiding the cold and decompressing from my weekend at The Flea. I want to thank all of the NELA staff and volunteers for putting together such a fantastic event. It was truly a joy to be part of this event. This past weekend, I taught not one, not two, but three classes at...

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Obligatory 50 Shades Post

Obligatory 50 Shades Post

Posted by on Feb 9, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Uncategorized | 1 comment

For those of you who have been living under a rock, there’s this movie coming out on Valentine’s day called 50 Shades of Grey. It’s based on a book that you may have heard of. 50 Shades is the latest popular culture phenomenon to bring BDSM to mainstream attention.To be honest, I was not able to get very far into the book. Call me snobby,...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 3: Fondness and Admiration

Sound Relationship Dungeon Part 3: Fondness and Admiration

Posted by on Feb 2, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 1 comment

It’s been a while since I’ve written an installment on Kink and Gottman’s sound relationship house. Read part 1 here and part 2 here We now move up to the next floor of the Sound Relationship House: Fondness and Admiration. According to John Gottman, fondness and admiration are crucial antidotes to contempt. In The Seven Principles For...

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Kink, Race, Privilege

Posted by on Jan 12, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

A few weeks ago, This article came across my Facebook feed. In the wake of Ferguson and the Eric Garner shootings, the author Britt Bennet wrote a very powerful piece about her complicated relationship to privilege and race. I often hear good white people ask why people of color must make everything about race, as if we enjoy considering racism as a...

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Polyamory and Domestic Violence

Posted by on Dec 1, 2014 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Mental health, Sexuality, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Many months ago, I was contacted by an individual who was in a domestic violence situation. The situation was complicated by the fact that the abusive relationship was within the context of a polyamorous dynamic. This case was a very important reminder to me that being involved in polyamory or any form of consensual non-monogamy does not necessarily...

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Sound Relationship Dungeon part 2: Negotiation and Love Maps

Sound Relationship Dungeon part 2: Negotiation and Love Maps

Posted by on Nov 24, 2014 in Challenging narratives, education, NCSF, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

A couple weeks ago, I started talking about applying Gottman’s concept of the here. Don’t worry. I’ll wait. … All caught up? Great! Let’s move on. This week’s post is about the most fundamental aspect of just about any relationship: knowing your partners’ worlds. According to Gottman, Love Maps are the foundation of the sound relationship...

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