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We Need to Talk About R Kelly

Posted on Jul 18 by

The details of R Kelly’s alleged “sex cult” bears certain external similarities to the trappings of a consensual D/s relationship. However, strict protocols do not a D/s relationship make. Even if, for the sake of argument, R Kelly’s actions did fall under the rubric of kinky play, his actions would still be problematic and abusive


Fictional Sex

Posted on Jun 6 by

Expounding on beloved fictional characters’ sex lives and relationships. And what lessons/cautionary tales can be gleaned from those pairings.


Trump Voters and the Empathy Cudgel

Posted on Nov 17 by

To ask someone who is black, or Muslim, Jewish, Female, Trans, Hispanic, Latinx queer, etc.. to hold empathy for Trump supporters is the equivalent of asking a domestic violence survivor to have empathy for their abuser.

Empathy is being used as an excuse to avoid accountability for the consequences of a Trump vote. This instinct, however well intentioned, is tantamount to gaslighting.


Bisexual identity and Orlando

Posted on Jun 15 by

Someone asked on a Facebook discussion thread why the Orlando shooting brings up so much angst around identity for bisexual folks. This is my response


Thoughts on the Stanford Sexual Assault Case

Posted on Jun 7 by

The Stanford sexual assault case is heartbreaking, and many people are angered by the judge’s leniency on the perpetrator. The Internet is out for blood. I’m not. But I’m still angry, and want to channel that anger into something less corrosive.


Shibari Appropriation Redux

Posted on May 8 by

As I had hoped, my last post on Shibari and Appropriation generated some really interesting and important feedback. Some people identified some perceived blind spots in my post,...


Et Tu, Gottman?

Posted on Apr 14 by

So, I was getting ready to finally get off my tail and write my last Sound Relationship Dungeon entry, when a dear friend messaged me on Facebook Chat. He said: Aww, man! Gottman...