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We Need to Talk About R Kelly

Posted by on Jul 18, 2017 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, education, Mental health, NCSF, Power Exchange, sex, sex education, Sexuality, twitter, Uncategorized | 0 comments

We Need to Talk About R Kelly

The details of R Kelly’s alleged “sex cult” bears certain external similarities to the trappings of a consensual D/s relationship. However, strict protocols do not a D/s relationship make. Even if, for the sake of argument, R Kelly’s actions did fall under the rubric of kinky play, his actions would still be problematic and abusive

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Fictional Sex

Posted by on Jun 6, 2017 in Abuse, Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, sex, sex education, Sexuality, Trauma, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Fictional Sex

Expounding on beloved fictional characters’ sex lives and relationships. And what lessons/cautionary tales can be gleaned from those pairings.

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Trump Voters and the Empathy Cudgel

Posted by on Nov 17, 2016 in politics | 0 comments

To ask someone who is black, or Muslim, Jewish, Female, Trans, Hispanic, Latinx queer, etc.. to hold empathy for Trump supporters is the equivalent of asking a domestic violence survivor to have empathy for their abuser.

Empathy is being used as an excuse to avoid accountability for the consequences of a Trump vote. This instinct, however well intentioned, is tantamount to gaslighting.

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Bisexual identity and Orlando

Posted by on Jun 15, 2016 in bisexuality, intersectionality, orlando, orlando shooting, Sexuality, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Bisexual identity and Orlando

Someone asked on a Facebook discussion thread why the Orlando shooting brings up so much angst around identity for bisexual folks. This is my response

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Thoughts on the Stanford Sexual Assault Case

Posted by on Jun 7, 2016 in Abuse, Breaking Silence, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Thoughts on the Stanford Sexual Assault  Case

The Stanford sexual assault case is heartbreaking, and many people are angered by the judge’s leniency on the perpetrator. The Internet is out for blood. I’m not. But I’m still angry, and want to channel that anger into something less corrosive.

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Shibari Appropriation Redux

Posted by on May 8, 2016 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Sexuality, tokenism, Uncategorized | 0 comments

As I had hoped, my last post on Shibari and Appropriation generated some really interesting and important feedback. Some people identified some perceived blind spots in my post, as well as aspects of this issue that went unaddressed or under-addressed. A few people noted, and rightly so, was that the issue was not about cultural appropriation, but rather cultural misappropriation. I think it’s best to let the comments speak from themselves. Click through the tabs below to read some of the social media and blog comments. MidoriSa...

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Et Tu, Gottman?

Posted by on Apr 14, 2016 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, Gender, harm reduction, Mental health, Sex Therapy, Sexuality | 1 comment

Et Tu, Gottman?

So, I was getting ready to finally get off my tail and write my last Sound Relationship Dungeon entry, when a dear friend messaged me on Facebook Chat. He said: Aww, man! Gottman is hating on porn. He also linked to this open letter from Gottman’s blog. Gottman writes: With pornography use, much more of a normal stimulus may eventually be needed to achieve the response a supernormal stimulus evokes. In contrast, ordinary levels of the stimulus are no longer interesting. This may be how normal sex becomes much less interesting for porn...

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Trigger warnings revisited

Posted by on Oct 6, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Uncategorized | 0 comments

A while ago, I wrote a post about my issues with trigger warnings. In short, I wasn’t against them, but wary of how they could be used. Recently, I’ve had some conversations that have shifted my stance. When I wrote the post, I made a common, but inaccurate assumption: a trigger warning’s purpose is to shield people from challenging content. This is how a trigger warning can function, of course, but it doesn’t have to. Kate Manne also made a compelling case for their use in a recent-ish op-ed piece. Increasingly,...

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Accountability in Kink Communities

Posted by on Sep 18, 2015 in Challenging narratives, Common Myths, education, harm reduction, Healing, prevention, Restorative Justice | 0 comments

I initially posted this along with my CatalystCon Live tweets. However, on further reflection, I decided it warranted its own post. In addition to my talk, there was also a panel at CatalystCon on addressing abuse in alternative relationships. Cunning Minx of Polyamory Weekly published her roundup of that conversation here. I was glad to see other people wading into these waters, and I do not want to be (and should not be) the only voice on this issue. One of the issues that came up both in my talk and the panel, was that event...

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